He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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