i permit you to call me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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