I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
