Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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