Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
There r osticjed everywhere
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
