He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
