Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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