It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
