i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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