The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
