he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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