Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
