I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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