remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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