yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
