UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
