In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
