I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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