Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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