I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
