soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
