you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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