I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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