I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
