Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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