im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
