No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
