You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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