five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
