i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wish my penis had a tongue
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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