It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
