i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
