guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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