This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
