Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i think my mom watched the whole time
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
