what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
