i was born a porn star she said
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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