He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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