Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize