kristin has been a bad kristin
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
