apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
