Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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