I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
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