I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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