Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
time to smoke my breakfast
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
