Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How external is "for external use only"?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
