pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
