We won't sleep together?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
