Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
