it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
