in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
