i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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