True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
