Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
where are you?
Hypothermia
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm like, not good at living.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
