Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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