never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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