I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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