I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
