It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
