please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
