its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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