im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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