he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
