Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
