if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
