I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm like, not good at living.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
