so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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