I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
