There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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