Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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