he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
