Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
