Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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