Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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