I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
