I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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