the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Blood and glitter go together right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
