I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
